i cant think: Things I Learned From Bush's Speech

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February 02, 2005

Things I Learned From Bush's Speech

Terrorists and insurgents are afraid of Democracy
Keep this in mind the next time you are approached by a terrorist or insurgent, or find yourself under terrorist attack. Simply reach into your pocket and pull out a nice sized wad of Democracy (any denomination will suffice) and watch the terrorists run away screaming like little girls.

The will of the Iraqi people is heavy
Apparently it is so heavy that it takes more than a small group of terrorists to overturn it. No word on exactly how much Iraqi will weighs, or exactly how many terrorists it takes to overturn it.

Terrorists have an uncontrollable compulsion to attack Democracy
We're not exactly sure how this fits with terrorist's fear of Democracy, but apparently if you show them your Democracy and they don't run away screaming then simply throw your Democracy as far as possible. This will cause the terrorists to forget about you while they attack the Democracy, leaving you free to make your escape.

Social Security is under a state of crisis
Unless we all drop what we're doing and band together to prop up Social Security, it will fall over and explode sometime between now and 2018, or 2042, or 2052. Of course, if Social Security explodes then everyone and everything will be covered in a sticky, gooey Social Security mess. And we all know how difficult that is to wash off, especially if you're wearing rayon.

Freedom is on the march
And you'd better get out of it's way. It's big and mean and angry and heavily armed, and it's not going to stop for little old you.

Posted by bcoffee at February 2, 2005 09:55 PM